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28 December 2007
Waggs and Watts continued
Before the meeting could commence Jaffa proposed the club moved into the 21st century and no longer had a meeting but a seminar instead, the committee agreed. Nigel Meaders and 25 players immediately made a dash for the door and only stopped when the Chairman slammed his Black Belt on the table. When asked where they were going Meaders replied for a P and get some crisps before the film starts. It was pitifully to see Jaffa's head slowly lower to his hands and hear him muttering "I just don't believe this lot".
Never one to miss an opportunity to get his FLIP CHART out, club secretary and highly respected lecturer, Lawson Short proceeded to give a lesson on the difference between seminar and cinema. This had an adverse effect on the chairman and three quarters of everyone present, they fell asleep! As Short moved to turn yet another page of the flip chart Waggs seized his chance. He accused Watt's of not passing him the ball in either of the last two games and training sessions. Coach John Helmore threatened to bang both their heads together unless they sorted themselves out. Captain Martin Gleadall commented that since Watt's and Ashley had appeared on the TV show "How to look good naked" they did seem to pass the ball to each other a lot.
Ashley said that whilst they were talking about him could he bring up the subject of the club paying for the creatine he is now taking in preparation for the clubs nude 2008 calendar. This woke up the chairman (Ken Black Belt Thomas) who stated he would not risk upsetting Dawn by having Smutty, Percy Filth photo's in his new Posh club. Rhino explained that it was all right, it would all be done in the "best possible taste". Ashley was then told he would not be needed for the calendar as the ladies appearing in it only wanted to pose draped over Matthew Whitcombes body. The committee had therefore decided on 12 different posses of Matt and the girls be taken and 11 other players heads be cut and pasted onto his body. Mark Thomas asked for 20 copies of his photo as he has never had a six pack before.
It was then that the door opened to reveal Spencer Harris and Barry Curtis Snr beckoning to the chairman. They informed him that Gardeners World was about to start and in this episode Alan Titmarsh was showing how to grow prize parsnips. Thomas quickly downed his drink (half a Buckleys with a Manns top, cherry and slice of lemon) and left the meeting. Rhino shrugged his shoulders and said ah well that's that then, anyone who wants to stay and listen to Short, who was still lecturing could do so. To be continued...
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